Sunday, 5 March 2017

Dealing with Divorse, Parent break-ups

Hi everyone,

So this is quite a difficult post for me to write as a 21 year old I suppose women. As I type I am eating a triple chocolate cookie from Morrisons (other places to buy cookies are out there) and I can smell my lush goodies under my desk (ready to be photographed for a haul and giveaway) which I will find quite soothing whilst writing this.

break-up, splitting up, advice
Dealing with Divorce

Something I have never mentioned before is that my parents split up when I was just 6. Now when I say 'just 6' I don't mean for you to feel sorry for me as there are some out there who were or are younger then me. I mean I had just turned 6 and it happened less then a month after.

Bearing in mind this happened to me 15 years ago but things are still fresh in my mind. You may think that happened a long time ago, this isn't going to help me I'm dealing with it now. Trust me, when I say you can't just click your fingers and as if by magic you're back to normal again. It doesn't work like that and if it does for you great! However, it didn't for me. Yes, I still cry and yes there isn't a day go by that I don't wonder what life would be like if my parents were still together.

So long story short my parents split, I still after 15 years don't have the greatest of understanding as to why. My Mum and I moved in with my Nan and I still got to see my Dad a lot and still do. I was very lucky, my parents stayed civilish. (That's how they were for my benefit, but you try walking down the street and seeing your ex coming the other way. What do you do? Freak out and walk in the opposite direction.)

I am going to give a few pointers on how to get through or to give you a piece of mind. Just remember everyone deals with situations differently!


1. It's Not your fault!

Please don't for one second believe it is your fault. I constantly believed it was my fault and it only tore me down. Did you get your parents together in the first place? No. Being a parent myself I know you have to be very grown up to be a parent and yes it gets stressful at times. Again, people deal with things differently including stress, but it's up to them how they handle it. If my boyfriend and I broke up, there is no way on this earth would I blame it on Darcie nor would it be your fault. It is as the phrase goes if they are big enough and ugly (this sounds rude, I'm not being rude. Oh dear. You're parents aren't ugly, no one is, it's just an old saying) enough to do the deed, then they are big enough and ugly enough to take 5 minutes, count to 10 and de-stress and talk things over like adults. Not communicating in a relationship gets you no where, you should no that if you have been in one or are in one.

2. Speak to someone

Don't bottle your feelings up. It may take time for you to want to, but when you are ready let them free! Speak to one of your parents, a close relative or even go to counselling sessions. Trust me, it could help you. A loud will be off your mind and you never know, they may have been through the same as you or may be able to give you some helpful advise.

3. Don't let people try and tell you how to feel

This is a big one. If their parents are still together, who are they to talk anyway? They haven't a clue what you are going through or have been through. Even if their parents have broken up as I have said about 3 times already, people deal with things differently! Deal with it in your own way and in time you will find your own way of dealing with it.

4. Don't be afraid to cry about it

No, you're not being silly. The 2 main people in your life have broken up. This doesn't mean they can't act as a shoulder to cry on, or anyone you feel you can cry to for that matter.

5. Most importantly: You're not the only one!

100's if not 1,000's go through break-ups everyday. Yes, in life these things happen but it's even harder when it's your parents. Just remember that you are not the only one going through it. Last of all your parents may have fallen out of love with each other but they still love you! That is the main thing.

If you need to ask a question about any of this I'm only a message away on Twitter or Facebook. However, the real experts you should really contact (24/7 all year round) are at Childline (telephone 0800 1111) or The mix for under 25's (helpline: 0808 808 4994).

Now my Dad is happily married to someone else (sorry no Cinderella story here with the cruel step mum. However, I have found my handsome prince) and my mum is just happy on her own but has had boyfriends.

If you are reading this because you are going through this, I'm sending hugs.

Tasha x

See my last post here

35 comments:

  1. It's a tough situation to go through. But maybe the purpose of going through something like this, is to help people when you finally make it to the 'other side'.

    You sound very mature and offer great advice.
    My parents are together, but I have no idea that someone will stumble across your space on the internet, find this, and be so so glad that they happened to find you and this blog.

    Steph
    www.socialspying.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I think going through this has always made me more mature for my age

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  2. Fortunately I've never been in this situation myself however after reading this post I'm sure this is really important advice that would be valuable to anyone going through this difficult time. Great post ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope there is someone I can help

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  3. People should definitely be given the space and the opportunity to feel the emotions and talk about what goes in their mind. I am glad that you shared this post as it will be helpful for a lot of people and no matter how long ago things like these might have happened, they do leave a lifetime impact. xx

    Jadirah Sarmad | Jasmine Catches Butterflies ʚϊɞ

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hat off to you for speaking out about this chick. It's such an important subject. I never had to deal with this but I know of many people who have.

    Great post

    Charlene McElhinney
    @blogabtnothing1
    www.charlenemcelhinney.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope it helps someone

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  5. This is a really thoughtful post which I'm sure will be helpful to lots of young people. It's a very painful and confusing process at any age xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope it helps someone

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  6. Such a lovely and hard post to write. Sending you love and so glad that you wrote this post to help other people.

    Steph xx

    Steph's World | Lifestyle Blog | www.stephsworld.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope it does help someone

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  7. What a lovely thought out post. Ii hope it finds its way to someone who it can really help. Well done for being so brave.
    Kate x

    themakeupartistschoice.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope it does too

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  8. I know of people who went through the same thing and I always try my best to give them support. Thanks for sharing these tips lovely ^_^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a hard time and it's lovely to receive support from others

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  9. Brilliant advice Tasha, so many kids go through this and don't know how to deal with it.

    Holly x
    www.hollysbeautybox.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, it was hard to write but I want it to help someone

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  10. This is good advice, well done for speaking out about this topic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, it happens to so many

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  11. Im sorry to hear what you went through, great tips for anyone going through this too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope it helps someone

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  12. Thanks so much for sharing this lovely, I'm sure it'll really help so many people who experience this! Such a brave, honest post 💖xo
    www.clairelouiisexo.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊 I made it as honest as possible even though it's hard

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  13. luckily this is something I've never had to experience and hope I never do! you really have some great tips

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  14. Wow, I really enjoyed reading this! I look forward to your future posts:D Maybe you might like some of the things I write about on my blog.. feel free to have a look! I have written similar tips but about anxiety:D

    www.milliesmoments.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊 I suffer from anxiety so I'd like to read them

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  15. I love these tips you've shared they're definitely all true and I'm sure that this post will help a lot of people x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊 I hope it does

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  16. I'm so glad I have not had to go through anything like this in my life. I would whole-heartedly do my best to support other people though, and your post really helps out in that department!

    the-emo-wolverine-writes.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊 anyone would be grateful for support at a time like this

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  17. Fortunately I've never been in this situation but I have so many friends who have had to go through their parents getting a divorce and it wasn't always civilized. These are some great tips to keep in mind. (:

    Single Vegas Girl
    http://singlevegasgirl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you 😊 it's such a common thing now

      Thanks for reading

      Tasha x

      Delete
  18. Sorry to hear about the breakup. It is tough but like you said bottling things up only makes things 10 times worse so its important to talk to someone about it x

    ReplyDelete