So this is quite a difficult post for me to write as a 21 year old I suppose women. As I type I am eating a triple chocolate cookie from Morrisons (other places to buy cookies are out there) and I can smell my lush goodies under my desk (ready to be photographed for a haul and giveaway) which I will find quite soothing whilst writing this.
|Dealing with Divorce|
Something I have never mentioned before is that my parents split up when I was just 6. Now when I say 'just 6' I don't mean for you to feel sorry for me as there are some out there who were or are younger then me. I mean I had just turned 6 and it happened less then a month after.
Bearing in mind this happened to me 15 years ago but things are still fresh in my mind. You may think that happened a long time ago, this isn't going to help me I'm dealing with it now. Trust me, when I say you can't just click your fingers and as if by magic you're back to normal again. It doesn't work like that and if it does for you great! However, it didn't for me. Yes, I still cry and yes there isn't a day go by that I don't wonder what life would be like if my parents were still together.
So long story short my parents split, I still after 15 years don't have the greatest of understanding as to why. My Mum and I moved in with my Nan and I still got to see my Dad a lot and still do. I was very lucky, my parents stayed civilish. (That's how they were for my benefit, but you try walking down the street and seeing your ex coming the other way. What do you do? Freak out and walk in the opposite direction.)
I am going to give a few pointers on how to get through or to give you a piece of mind. Just remember everyone deals with situations differently!
1. It's Not your fault!
Please don't for one second believe it is your fault. I constantly believed it was my fault and it only tore me down. Did you get your parents together in the first place? No. Being a parent myself I know you have to be very grown up to be a parent and yes it gets stressful at times. Again, people deal with things differently including stress, but it's up to them how they handle it. If my boyfriend and I broke up, there is no way on this earth would I blame it on Darcie nor would it be your fault. It is as the phrase goes if they are big enough and ugly (this sounds rude, I'm not being rude. Oh dear. You're parents aren't ugly, no one is, it's just an old saying) enough to do the deed, then they are big enough and ugly enough to take 5 minutes, count to 10 and de-stress and talk things over like adults. Not communicating in a relationship gets you no where, you should no that if you have been in one or are in one.
2. Speak to someone
Don't bottle your feelings up. It may take time for you to want to, but when you are ready let them free! Speak to one of your parents, a close relative or even go to counselling sessions. Trust me, it could help you. A loud will be off your mind and you never know, they may have been through the same as you or may be able to give you some helpful advise.
3. Don't let people try and tell you how to feel
This is a big one. If their parents are still together, who are they to talk anyway? They haven't a clue what you are going through or have been through. Even if their parents have broken up as I have said about 3 times already, people deal with things differently! Deal with it in your own way and in time you will find your own way of dealing with it.
4. Don't be afraid to cry about it
No, you're not being silly. The 2 main people in your life have broken up. This doesn't mean they can't act as a shoulder to cry on, or anyone you feel you can cry to for that matter.
5. Most importantly: You're not the only one!
100's if not 1,000's go through break-ups everyday. Yes, in life these things happen but it's even harder when it's your parents. Just remember that you are not the only one going through it. Last of all your parents may have fallen out of love with each other but they still love you! That is the main thing.
If you need to ask a question about any of this I'm only a message away on Twitter or Facebook. However, the real experts you should really contact (24/7 all year round) are at Childline (telephone 0800 1111) or The mix for under 25's (helpline: 0808 808 4994).
Now my Dad is happily married to someone else (sorry no Cinderella story here with the cruel step mum. However, I have found my handsome prince) and my mum is just happy on her own but has had boyfriends.
If you are reading this because you are going through this, I'm sending hugs.
See my last post here